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Author Topic: The New Strain: Book One  (Read 2117 times)

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Offline Niemand

The New Strain: Book One
« on: October 18, 2009, 05:43:13 PM »
  • Read Later
  • So, erm, this is really my first serious attempt at writing something in a long time and I'm still working off notes and vague ideas in my head. I'd like feedback on, well...anything really. I don't have much right now, but I hope to get Chapter One up within the next week or so, time permitting.

    So here's the prologue. Also, any advice on a decent title would be nice.  :dontknow:
    « Last Edit: October 18, 2009, 05:47:56 PM by Niemand »
    Revelations: Zero - Hosted by ViolentSleep
    I AM BACK. Finally managed to get free time and reliable internet. May be writing stuff soon (New Strain is abandoned for now I'm afraid)

     

    Offline Niemand

    Re: The New Strain: Book One
    « Reply #31 on: February 17, 2010, 12:39:19 AM »
  • Read Later
  • Chapter Five
    “Can you tell us your name?”

    “Mirar. Jusnek Mirar .”

    “What position did you hold?”

    “Security.”

    “Rank?”

    “Koronet.”

    The man in the suit nods curtly, jotting down notes into his journal. He hasn't given his name, and Mirar has taken to calling him, rather unimaginatively, 'Suit'. The room is bare and well lit, with a single table and chair in the centre. Mirar is sitting. Suit is not. There is silence.

    “So at that rank, what did you command?”

    “Not much. A small squad of light-guards. Bolt-Actions, sidearms, no grenades. I was in charge of security in the research lab.”

    “The lab's a big place.”

    “I watched Lus'ari's lab. There were four squads to the lab floor. One to each lab.”

    Suit nods and Mirar reaches forward to take a sip of water. Suit already knows all this. But he continues on regardless.

    “Who did you command?”

    Mirar thinks for a while.

    “Janson, Hur'ita and....newbie. Sorensay.”

    Suit nods again. More writing. Mirar is starting to get more than a little frustrated. There is a few seconds of silence again before Suit speaks.

    “What can you tell me of the break-in?”

    Mirar shrugs.

    “Not a whole lot. I wasn't on duty at the time, and it didn't even happen in my sector. From what I heard, a group of roughly fifteen guys broke in and started shooting people. I never saw them myself. I reported straight to the labs to watch the Device. Before I got there the building was evacuated, alert level six. Nobody stays inside on a level six except the top security. So I got the hell out of there ASAP.”

    Suit glances at his journal. He reads through his notes and looks up again. He smiles at Mirar.

    “I'll get you some food. Aretese sound alright?”

    “Best thing I've heard all day.”

    Suit leaves Mirar alone in the room, and the silver door clicks shut behind him.
    ---
    It has been two days since the Varken Laboratory went silent. Nothing was known about why, or how, beyond the small amount of information gleaned from the one intact security recording.

    A small group numbering roughly fifteen individuals had broken in and began attacking the people inside. By the time the Rapid Response Unit had arrived, the building had been evacuated, but 120 scientists had gone missing, along with over 400 staff and family members. The security teams which had remained inside.... They had not gone missing. Nor were they in any shape to give evidence. In fact, it was hard to say they were in any kind of shape at all.

    Does blood have a shape?

    The building had been locked down and it was believed the assailants were still inside, hiding amongst the mass of tunnels, catwalks and air vents within the gargantuan building.

    At least, this is what the public were told.
    ---
    “Here's your food.”

    Mirar smiled in thanks and accepted the meal. It didn't take him long to force it down his throat. Suit took his time finishing his meal, leaving Mirar to sit in awkward silence as he ate. Presently, Suit finishes his meal, and he pushes it to the side. As he takes out his journal again, he continues the interview.

    “Do you know what Dr. Lus'ari was examining?”

    “No, sir. We all just knew it as the 'Device'.”

    “The Device?”

    “For all their smarts, the lab coats weren't the most imaginative bunch.”

    Mirar chuckles lightly. Suit does not. Instead he glances at the camera in the corner of the room and goes deathly still. He's checking with his commander about what happens next. This is not a good sign. Mirar begins to get nervous, and chews on his lip. Either Suit doesn't notice or doesn't care. He turns back to Mirar and begins to speak, all sense of friendliness gone, his face deadpan. He must have gotten orders. The invisible communication between members of the Darkseid Branch unnerved everyone.

    “Who was your commanding officer?”

    Mirar stutters, pauses, breathes deeply, and continues.

    “Lisan. Gregor Lisan.”

    There is silence. The seconds pass. They turn to minutes. And then, at last, Suit stands up and walks to the door. He opens it, leans out and when he returns he is followed by two heavily armed soldiers. Mirar leaps from his seat.

    “What the....what's going on?!”

    Suit sighs and pulls out his journal and begins reading.

    “I'm sorry it took so long. I didn't want to give you false hope, but we had to double and triple check our facts.

    You commanded a squad of two, not three. There was no Sorensay in your squad. The report given by everyone else in your squad listed close quarter mutilation as the method of attack, not shooting as you did. And your commanding officer was Keller Lucant. Three strikes, Koronet Mirar.”

    Suit turns to the soldiers as Mirar backs into the corner of the room, eyes wide with fear.

    “Take him to the Extermination Camp.”

    Mirar is breathless, wordless. He can't have failed. He can't have! He knows that we was correct, he remembers everything so clearly! But he is too shocked to resist as the soldiers drag him from the room, and it is only when he is out of sight of Suit that he begins screaming. Suit sits back down and sips at the water absentmindedly. His water, not Mirar's. Mirar's water is promptly thrown down the sink. As Suit sits, another identically dressed man enters the room.

    “That's the third one we've had to condemn this week.”

    Suit nods, the anguish visible in his eyes.

    “It's getting worse.”
    Revelations: Zero - Hosted by ViolentSleep
    I AM BACK. Finally managed to get free time and reliable internet. May be writing stuff soon (New Strain is abandoned for now I'm afraid)

    Offline Chinaren

    Re: The New Strain: Book One
    « Reply #32 on: February 17, 2010, 02:47:05 AM »
  • Read Later
  •  :thumbs:  Oooh.  I enjoyed that!
    Click pic to visit:




    true_north_son

    • Guest
    Re: The New Strain: Book One
    « Reply #33 on: July 01, 2010, 05:40:57 PM »
    Very engaging story - I hope this one continues at some point  :clap:

    Tome City

    Re: The New Strain: Book One
    « Reply #33 on: July 01, 2010, 05:40:57 PM »

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